This page is for any man who's tired of the after-feeling — the regret, the apologies, the look on someone's face. Working with anger in therapy isn't about suppressing it. It's about widening the gap between the trigger and the reaction, and getting curious about what's underneath.
What's actually underneath
Anger is almost always a second feeling. Something else came first — usually quieter, often more vulnerable. A good therapist will help you slow down enough to spot it, so you can respond to the real thing instead of the loud thing.
Common patterns
- Anger after being criticised → underneath is often shame.
- Anger when a partner pulls away → underneath is often fear of being left.
- Anger at small inconveniences → underneath is often exhaustion or overwhelm.
What working with a therapist looks like
Anger work in therapy isn't a lecture. It's practical — noticing your early warning signs, building a couple of techniques that actually work for you, and slowly unpacking the patterns that keep showing up. For a lot of men, doing this with another man in the room helps; it's easier to be honest about it.
